Hot with suspicion, she hid in the raspberry red wendy house.
It was damn tricky trying not to not collide with the miniature
hoover, upend the pretend frying pan , knock over the dollies’ ironing board, or kick
the toy telly.
Oh but then her heart felt tender, because there they were, the snotty tip of
nose and delicious pudgy sandled toes of her boy, swinging from the high chair. The plastic
polka dot curtain obscured the rest of him.
Cue Amanda, the 17 year old 'nursery technician' she looked like something
from the film 'Deathwish’ or maybe a potential model for the website ‘goths re-united’.
Instructing George to “Oh shut up for God's sake!”
Amanda sighed heavily, brandishing a packet of baby wipes that exhibited the slogan '3 packs
for a pound!!' ….So much for the promised high end of the
market baby products!! George’s mum remembered the so called 'Parent Nursery
contract' it promised only an approved list of premium branded products would be used and
the list of lies was even cheekily endorsed with a gold stamp proclaiming the sinister
'Working in partnership with parents and carers to produce society's next generation!’
What an utter crock….!!
Eyes narrowed, breathing suspended, the steakout continued. What had lead to this bizarre situation? the thing was George, who was only 15 months
young, just wasn’t right… “Oh Amanda?” (Amanda was the 'designated
parent/technician liaison contact officer' in the nursery’s baffling mind speak of staff
labelling.)
Georges mum faltered...
page 2
“ehm it's nothing much...” (why did she sound so grovellingly apologetic?)
“ George has this rash ….and he's always hungry when he leaves here,
… he doesn't want to come back…” She trailed off …
Amanda, wide eyed (her look abetted by an obnoxious amount of eyeliner)responded “George is very happy here once we get rid of...I mean, once he's nice and settled. He does eat well, has a nap at 12 usually, plays well. No. I mean Yes. He’s been brilliant..!”“What about the rash?”“Oh I think it must be one of those things. I'll keep an eye on him, Don't worry”Amanda looked at George's mum in silent expectation……..……. silently expecting her to bugger off no doubt..
page 3George's mum grappled with the inadequate reply. Only
that morning, before they rushed out to deposit George at nursery so she could hasten to sit
under a strip light for eight hours in order to 'earn a living'
(well to pay the credit card bill & to maintain her ' four wheel
drive lifestyle') she asked her boy why he didn't want to go to the
Ofstead approved, all singing, all dancing, partnership community
nursery. George knew perfectly well why he didn't want to go, but at the tender age of
18 months, couldn't wrap his newly cut teeth around the necessary to deliver
the message. George's problem was that whatever went on in that government
sanctioned office of child care…it went unreported by the material witnesses… because
the material witnesses were babies.
That shock of realisation was the moment the executive decision was made.
“stuff work, I'm staying to find out what the hell is going on!”
“Wow” Georges mum squared her shoulders exuberantly, experiencing a rush of some sort
“This is great, I feel like Erin Brokovich!!”
Georges mum, for the first twenty minutes of the wendy house steak out was privvy to a fair
slice of the 'dropping off' scenario. Mums and dads, mostly mums, all frazzled & all delivering
kiddies under 3 years of age. A quick peck on the cherubic cheek of the respective offspring
and then parent (as swift as rats up drainpipes) sped
directly off to earn some dosh. That's right, getting hold of some more ever
depreciating pounds to pay the utility bills and keep at bay the breeding credit cards
necessary for a certain 'standard' came first, while hoping faint heartedly that their child
page 4would be taken care of with as much love as if they were in their own home
being lovingly spoonfed weetabix, proceedings punctuated with infatuated giggles and
cuddles and ludicrously comforting baby talk.
Back to the steak out: Even George's mum had to concede that Amanda, the 17 year old child
in charge of children, was over loaded with grave responsibility.
It was comparable to spinning several plates simultaneously only there were consequences
for Amanda should an error lead to injury. Plates were only plates afterall.
This daft teenager was the nominated supervisor, feeder, cleaner, and entertainer for,
according to steak out observations thus far, 11 kiddies,
all at a bargain hourly rate understood to pip the minimum wage by a generous 5 pence.
When George's mum had reviewed the promising spin of the shiny self congratulatory
nursery brochure before signing up, she'd been impressed with all the qualifications
the staff were required to possess. Amanda was apparently NVQ'D or SCV'D or DVD'D or
something, she couldn't quite recall, but now George's mum could see plainly that these scraps of paper
masquerading as qualifications didn't amount to anything but testimony to a poor
secondary education and a path to insecure pensionless slavery.
Amanda yet again admonished George and three other babes for grizzling. There was no
sign of the milk and orange slices the kids were meant to get mid morning. No wonder
they were grizzling, they were just being left to wander aimlessy, at least one of them
with a filthy bottom if the bad drain aroma was what Georges mum suspected.
Amanda was now changing the nappy of a tiny newborn using a
dodgy looking disposable pound shop edition. George's mum was temporarily
page 5transported back to when George produced yellow pooh, when his tummy button was
still crusty from the umbilical cord. The memory electrified her heart and mind.
Hapless Amanda was looking after the newborn (exquisite little scrap of a thing she
was)…feisty George (who was still grizzling) a small brat entitled Tabitha whose current
project involved emptying dozens of incubating seedlings all over the floor, and 8 other 3 year
olds ,two of whom had fallen asleep in the lego section, and two of whom were
successfully removing the goldfish from their bowl
into saturated laps. All these tiny clueless humans in the charge of a solitary seventeen year
old!!
“Amanda!!” the summons was gruffly and loudly issued from the untidy office next door.
“Where the **** are the time sheets for yesterday?”
It was the manageress, sorry the 'principal child care co-ordination liaison contact'
And she sounded peeved. George's mum could see Amanda was struggling, like
trying to single handedly bail out a sinking ocean liner.
“Amanda!!!”came the aggressive sequel “I need those ******* time sheets, I'm trying to
run a sodding business here!!”
Amanda cack handedy finished the newborn's nappy change and deposited the tiny infant
into a nearby cot without tenderness. “Bloody time sheets where are they?” she muttered
hurrying off past the demise of the goldfish and the dirty soil covered floor.
“Amanda, come-on!!! you're already on a warning!!”
This was a chilling scene to be absorbing voyeuristically.
Parents were breaking their necks to spend quality
waking hours earning those essential material possessions while their children
were barely looked after by ill educated teenagers.
The manageress (or whatever it was) wasn't finished with Amanda yet.
page 6George's mum sat tense and fascinated avidly watching through the burkha type
opening in the wendy house. This was certainly more engaging (in a morbid way)
than anything featured in any moronic thrice weekly soap opera.
Amanda!” it spat “you've put down that yesterday you worked from 8amto 6pm, but you were late!! You also left early for a dental appointment, why is this not accurately recorded on your time sheet ?”George's mum strained to hear. Amanda was red in the face “but it was only 5 minutes. The road works by the bus station delayed the journey. I left at 5.15pm because my wisdom tooth was bad againand you said you knew how painful they can be so I thought it would be ok as medical leave”“Well it's not ok, and I’m docking an hours wages from this week's pay,I'll let it go this time but next time this sort of thing occurs I'll have to let you go, there's plenty out there on benefits or worse jobs who would love your job, you’re ten a penny you know!!”Amanda was silent and shaky, redness crept from her face down her neck to her chest.“Now get the lunches out and then it's your turn to clean the kitchen” The manageress obviously didn't think that she had been sufficiently harsh and or disrespectful as she then deemed it necessary to add “Hurry up!”Amanda and a colleague could be heard whispering but George's mum couldn't make out what they were saying. She could hear George grizzling. He would have
page 7peed himself at least twice by now and he definitely hadn't been changed. No wonder he had an angry rash all over his poor bottom!!George's mum was perspiring, there was a tiny rivalet (possibly menapausal in origin) of sweat running down her brow into her eye ducts. She stretched out a cramped left foot and awakened the tingalingy orange telephone. Any reaction? would she remain undiscovered?There were three toddlers in the vicinity that she could see, and no supervision whatsoever. One of them, the notorious Tabitha decided to check out the ting a ling sound issued fromthe wendy house, and began to stagger over like a tiny female Frankinstein.Then the lunch trolley arrived. The ravenous drought stricken toddlers toddled towards said trolley in unison. Then lunch notionally took place. Instead of sitting down at a table and being assisted, Tabitha and her associates were thrown a sugary cereal bar each. When it transpired that the little ones were unable to independently remove the impenetrable plastic wrapping Amanda gave her signature, ridiculously heavy sigh, and roughly taking the bars back, savagely ripped of thewrappers and threw them back at the children with a “there now leave me alone you sods!” George being in the lego section (he could be identified by a gingham shirted elbow)went unnoticed and therefore got nothing at all for lunch.“So” thought George's mum “that explains his insatiable appetite from 6pm to 8pm.It's the only grub he gets! No wonder he hates it here.!!”What was that? A parent had returned, and miraculously had passed through two secure doors and cctv surveillance camera. She sounded apologetically creepy too!...”so I have to collecther early today. It's her great gran's birthday you see. She's in a home and they won't allow a gathering any later in the day. She's 90 today. So very sorry I didn't mention it before”.The women couldn't possibly have sounded any more obsequeous.Page 8. Amanda, without pleasure, subjected the woman to an examination regarding how she ‘got through security’.Meanwhile Georges mum was enjoying a moment of realisation: “Nurseries and old peoples' homes. She had identified one of the circles of life here. Two very similar institutions whose patrons were partially or completely toothless, and/or hairless and/ or incontinent, and who, as groups of individuals, were therefore pretty much defenceless. The mum in question had to aggravate her impertinence, been meaning to ask about Camilla, her 12 month old daughter anyway:”.. I don’t know whether she’s doing as well as she should be…”“Oh yes” said the ever loyal Amanda “She eats and plays well all the time.No, yes, er she's been brilliant..” ( almost ver batum the same codswallop propaganda George's mum had been fed earlier. The earnest, embarrassed parent nodded with pathetic mania, entirely satisfied with the party line, even apologising yet again for being quite such a pain!!!Obviously they just do a slight alteration on the 're-assurance speech'. Well at least George's mum knew now!After being admonished by the worldly Amanda, because, unbeleivably 'Routine is paramount!'the woman was granted 'permission!' to take her daughter earlier than usual.“So then” George's mum surmised, having cracked the code,“routine is paramount” actually meant “no unexpected visitors allowed, and an environment more secure than a category A prison to avoid the dangers of scrutiny.” “Ate really well” translated accurately, was “Not only ate nothing but was offered an impenetrable sugar filled cereal bar”“Played really well” corresponded exactly with “cried and grizzled in misery all day”
page 9and equally “had a brilliant day” reflected exactleya day of being ignored interspersed with the occasional “shut up for christ's sake!”and, naturally,“only the best wet wipes, nappies, food and other necessary materials”corresponded accurately with “whatever can be found in the local precinct's pound shop”George's mum considered the rates she had been paying, in a noble effort to make sense of all this.She took home £1800 after tax, about 31K per annum, not bad for an ill educated girl of her humbleorigins. After 40 hours a week under the strip light,£1000 of this sum was handed over to the nursery every fourth Monday. £250 per week, £50 per nine hour day. That was about £5.50 per hour!! Georges mum was astounded at the results of her calculation...the deduction:she was absent (or to be fair, present but absolutely knackered!)from her boy's life so that the money to pay for inferior and damaging 'care' could be earned and paid to a cynical business venture. And no wonder the care was third rate. From that £5.50 an hour the nursery paid staff wages, business taxes, rates, maintenance, purchased food and other necessities, advertising and so forth, “Good God!!”The pins and needles were escalating into paralysis now. George's mum had seen enough anyway.She wanted to get out with the baby as soon as physically possible. Unsure of what to do withthe data collected she decided to make a hasty but anonymous unseen exit from the wendy house, darting out as speedily as her numbed limbs would allow. At the first opportunity she ran for it and made it to the uninhabited open cupboard housing old paintings and mechano models, and from there, adjusting her hem and bra lines, stepped quick style into the lobby were the parents loitered at 6pm for pick up.
Page 10Amanda bowled through at about 50 miles an hour, sweat glistening on her youngcreased brow.George's mum pretended to furiously concentrate and absorb the meaningless statisticswhich adorned the nursery notice board.“George's mum!!” Uttered Amanda in a high pitched accusitory voice.“Why are you here so early, who let you through the intercom?”George's mum could see and feel Amanda’s defensiveness verging on paranoia.“What?” George’s mum affected disinterested detatchment “...oh, erm the maintenance blokeI think..” George's mum didn't realise that she could think on her feet like this. When asked to do a simplepresentation at work she panicked and shook and gibbered..buthere she felt super cool, the Erin Brokovich factor again!!.“I just popped in cos I've been given the afternoon off .I'm picking him up early,,”She smiled, eyes drilling assertively into Amanda’s soul, and she waited….expectantly. Amanda started with the 'routine is paramount' garbage. George's mum held up her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Amanda I don't wish to be rude but when I say I'm here to pick up my son early I mean immediately, and without a lecture, so could you get him for me?... Now?”Georges furry warm baby scalp tickled her septum, and he giggled up in to her face, tugging delightedly at her earring.Her eyes adored the curve of his cheek, and she felt his fat arms clasped around her neck, almost pulling off her hitherto cherished gold and emerald necklace.His warm chubby body pressed against page 11her breasts. They were the breasts she had been too busy to feed him with, the breasts that were cupped in an expensive gel bra, and that received a tanning session every fortnight (afterall,George's father had made it clear by screwing up his face in abject disgust...”breasts are for sexual titillation and soft porn publication, not for nourishing newborn babies” and that “no wife ofmine is going to morph into 'track suit woman'” Apparentley she had standards to maintain if she wanted to keep him 'interested')“Tosspot” she thought absently. “The past is the past!”George's mum could feel Georges young lonely heart thudding against hers,as they hurried from this awful place, and the pale beaming sun warmed, bathed, and gildedthem on their way home together.
